Forgiveness after Divorce

I’m sure you know someone that is reeling from a midlife divorce.  We all do.  The dreams they shared at one time, are now irrelevant. Their children that once had a sense of security, are now tip toeing around hoping that this all blows over. It feels like a nightmare that will never end.  The shock, anger, denial, sadness, loneliness, depression, and suicidal thoughts are very normal emotions to spiral through.  It’s truly exhausting.

One day you are sailing along with your rose colored glasses perched on the tip of your nose, unaware of what’s coming directly at you. Life sometimes will give us warnings but unfortunately we may not choose to see them.  Before we know it, what was coming at us explodes.  We have no choice but to deal with this shit.  Our children will see us cry, and we will be a basket case for a bit. It takes time to face the full gravity of the situation. So many thoughts swirling around in our mind, and for the life of us, we can’t figure out how our marriage got here. You will replay the past year or two over in your head, trying to connect the dots.  It won’t really help.  Time and a wonderful support group is a start.

You’re going to change and you’re going to need too.  There’s no easy way around this.  The reflection from the mirror prior to a divorce is not the you NOW.  This new person must put on their big britches and learn to stand alone.  You are evolving and time waits for no one.  Divorce takes what self-esteem you had and will literally leave you feeling lost. Your identity was immersed in a relationship that somehow went astray. De-tangling from this entanglement isn’t as easy as getting tangled up in the first place.  Just breathe and buckle up.

It will take time. Hours will turn into days, and those into weeks. There will be moments when you may think you’re losing your mind. Money may become a force larger than any love the couple ever had. How sad this? Photo’s from happier times will make you question those moments in your life.  But you aren’t losing your mind. Your marriage at one point was happy and those photo’s represented that period. It’s truly sad when you look back trying to nail down what changed and when it occurred.  It will drive you a bit bonkers as you continually replay events.  You WILL eventually, whether you want to or not, see how the couple didn’t evolve and how the union between your marriage became weak.  This is when you start healing and letting go.

I am a survivor of divorce, not a victim.  I learned a very long time ago about the most wonderful gift to myself, forgiveness. Forgiving is not about the other person. It’s about the energy that seeps into our heart and soul when we harbor anger towards another. The moment we forgive from our heart, that negativity is lifted from our soul. We breathe better, sleep better and overall, we radiate this wonderful light from within. It truly sets us free. Please know that this forgiveness is a direct correlation to our children’s future and their happiness. If we can push our ego’s out of the way, show kindness to the other parent; our children might grow up knowing that divorce doesn’t equal hate.

http://go.liveyourdream.org/5-daily- journal-prompts- self-love-
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-nourishment/2017/divorce-in- middle-age


About the Author

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Single Mom, former USAF soldier, fitness instructor, personal trainer, loves life, loves people. My goal in life is to spread positivity and show others that there is a better way.

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