I recently was on my favorite new way to watch anything…Youtube. I just freaking love this streaming App!!! Thanks to my 13 year old daughter, we are trying the 3 month free thing before they start fucking me…lol..I guess I should be thankful that other things in life don’t give us 3 months to prove themselves…I’m definitely happy that prostitutes don’t have to give 3 months of proven work before they’re paid…whether it’s a guy or girl…that’s a lot of tiring blow job’s and 3 months would just take fucking forever to prove yourself..:) one might hyperventilate…LOL.
I decided this day to watch some Oprah..I was just in one of those moods. I had found a book a few days before this that I truly believe zeroed in on some of the issues going on with my body. This book is amazing in so many ways for me and my tightly wound body is already thanking me for buying the fucking thing.
Oprah, like I said:) …well, the video on Youtube was her talking about how to attain our own personal success. The one thing that I heard was that I needed an intention when I do anything. That got me to thinking. I have so much passion inside of me but honestly, “do I do anything now with my life with intention.” Years ago, I would definitely have said yes. Like any normal person, I have went through a lot. I am not completely sure though that all the things that have changed me, have made me stronger or wiser some days.
The word intention stayed with me and I couldn’t shake it. When I was a child, I had no firm foundation to feel a significant belonging anywhere. I remember hoping at times that my father would see my efforts in school, how fast I could run, pop willy’s on my bike like my brother’s, shoot basketballs and strip it every time…I felt invisible. My mom was not in the picture and now I understand so much about why I am the way I am. I’ve never believed that there was a reason to have an intention.
Honestly, if we have no one in our life when we are a child that believes in us, why should we have an intention. We do not realize at this point in our life that intention and focus on a goal will be so important to our future. Believe me, since I heard Oprah say that word, I have thought about it every day and what my intention to a particular day is…I fight my thoughts over and over sometimes…and how insignificant they try to make me feel. Without an intention, who and what am I?
I have questioned this so much since the video. After going through my 2nd divorce, I struggle somewhat in finding my own path again. It seems that belonging is what my soul craves and family has always been what was missing from my life that gave me any reason to have an intention. When I was married, my path seemed so much clearer. I am a nurturer by nature and I had a feeling of belonging somewhere. Now, it’s a bit cloudy but I know time will guide me as I let Oprah and other’s guide me to finding my life’s intention. Just doing something for the fun of it doesn’t light my soul up and encourage growth, I need a purpose with a meaningful affect on others. I have so many wonderful ideas floating around inside my beautiful brain and to say it’s beautiful… is easy now.
I am finding that as days go by and the image I see reflected back to me on my phone is changing. She has a wisdom that wasn’t there during her marriages. She is beginning to see herself as an individual that can function alone and be confident that she matters. She is realizing that her childhood memories are just that…a memory…and what may have been a way of life then, is no longer the way it is. She has dreams that do not need anyone but herself to make them happen. She has found a need for an intention.
Thank you so very much YouTube for offering TONS of entertainment on every topic available and to Oprah for being such a wonderful inspiration, not just as a woman but a human being with such a loving heart. You can tell by your spirit that you’re a lovely person.